i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
