Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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