I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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