Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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