So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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