I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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