You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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