Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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