There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize
