She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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