Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize