Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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