She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
