who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
