Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Randomize
