The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
ttyl tear gas
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
