Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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