He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I still have a little drunk in my system
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize