Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
