Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
it's like iHOP with fire
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
