Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
