She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
