hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Verdict: uncircumcised.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
