Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Randomize
