Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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