I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
she told me i tasted like america
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize