what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
