whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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