A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
