you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
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