The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Use "feeling words"
Yay
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
