Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
farters have to be the big spoon...
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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