fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
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