i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Randomize
