We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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