Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
