yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
