i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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