the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
