I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
