WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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