just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
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