Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
