Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
