So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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