I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize