Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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