omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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