I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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