Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
