Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
