using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
