I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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