She announced her abortion via fbk
No stitches, just platelets and will power
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
