when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
this hospital has no fireball
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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