I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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