A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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