I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Sorry my hands just texted you
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
