Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
