Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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