Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
