He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
