saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
