I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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