I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
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