Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize