fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
