I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
