When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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