i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
