White coat. Heels.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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