as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Randomize
