i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
