I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
