yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
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