I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
